lalala

my life :
school...where i dont learn anything.
home...where im bored and sleep.
work...where i dance and sing...and some times customers see me then look at me really weird.

its like it sounds...not exciting.


id like to fast forward to june.
so i can know what college i got into.
and hopefullly move away.
everything and everyone is just so dull here.

"seinor year is the best year"...thats bull shit.
high school sucks.
im ready to have MY OWN life.

stranger

i can hardly see
whats in front of me these days
and those days too.


its funny how you can be in the most amazing mood one day and the next you can feel alone and sad. i think that good moods should last longer. but i guess without the sad times the good ones wouldn't be as amazing.


so here is my update:
-Ive been doing pretty well with my friends. i got my friend priorities straight finally...after about ohh 7 years.
-i bought a bunny in LA on Saturday...and it died :[ i was soooo sad. i cried. (this was only yesterday that Chanel died)
she was the cutest bunny ever. R.I.P. CHANEL <333 ill miss you.
-so i hung out with this guy that i met on myspace. but he knows Jeniffer who used to go to middle school with me and she moved to victorville which is where he lives...what a strange coincidence ey? and we used to txt and talk on the phone then we stopped idk why. annnd then bam last week i get a txt from a number i didn't know and i asked "whos this" and the reply said " its chris, im in walnut wanna hang out?" so i say yes. and we met for coffee and just hung out...we are both quiet. hes cute. and thennn he drove all the way from victorville yesterday to go see a movie with me..cute ey?
too bad i have no idea where this is going.
-the end.

I'm tired
and i just want the weather to stay cold.

vent

so i cant say I'm mad about being grounded. through this i have learned so much. you really have no idea. Ive cried so hard during this past month. i cried because there has been a shift in so many of my friendships and my relationship with my parents. I'm not as close with people i used to be, but the bond grew between me and some others. i just don't understand how friendships can change just because i cant go out...friendships that have lasted 6 years and some that have lasted less. a friend is a friend, the meaning and depth of it shouldn't be affected by one being grounded. and this is why i cried. but I'm growing and learning. its a sad thing to realize and see how deep you thought your friendships went and how deep they really were. but now i know who to invest my time in and who to truly value. so its a sad but good thing. "we accept the love we think we deserve" and I'm done accepting less than i deserve. i wont cry anymore about it ill be happy that i am growing and learning.

lolz

girl-"so me and some friends are gonna drop acid in a few weeks..."
me-"yea so?"
girl-"well.....youre welcome to join...if you want"
hahhahaha
that conversation felt like it was supposed to happen in a dark ally somewhere...not class.

ryan- "some black girl stole my fruit roll up"
hhahahah

people say the funniest things.
i love it.


work tonight.
i loooove makin my money :]
people really should come visit me at work.
tillys in brea.
ill love you forever if you do :D

my mind

i need to study more.
i slack off when something is easy...which i shouldnt... i should do it because its easy.
but nooo... im miss i need a challenge.
hence the only class i actually care about is my english ap class.

but starting today i will care about my other classes.
i simply must if i want to do well.

oh and i have a myspace again
:]

the future ahhh

jfklajfdl today i fucked up my phone... my stupid Arizona green tea spilled all in my backpack and killed my phone :[
sad times.

tomorrow will be eventfullllll
school..get out early...go to fidm...go to grad fair back at walnut.
im gonna be TIIIIIRED.

im having mixed reactions from people about fidm..some are really excited for some reason..then others just laugh at me. whatever its my life and ill go to school wherever i feel like ill enjoy it the most.

im applying to cal state Fullerton. cal state long beach. cal state la. &fidm.

if i go to any of the last three...i have to pay for it myself...probably move out...and pay for that too.. :/ i better start saving my paychecks. man student loans are going to be a bitch.

i think its funny how the schools i want to go to are the ones my parents don't want me to go to..i just naturally rebel. i cant help it.

the heart beats in its cage

I don't want what you want.
I don't feel what you feel
See, I'm stuck in a city
When I belong in a field
Yeah we got left, left, left, left, left, left, left
Now its three in the morning and your eating alone

Oh the heart beats in its cage




"i know why the caged bird sings."
mmmhm.

i want a cigarette.

<3

Thats probably one of my favorite scenes in any movie. its amazing.

anyways... i did my winter shopping.. got a black coat, tights, shoes, scarfs, three tops, and a wallet. im pretty happy with my purchases. im ready for winter.

life ambition:travel to England.

woadreambig

i want a boy like jesse lacey
THAT would be a dream come true.
i mean i like the disco scene and everything...
but id choose an indie boy over a disco/electro boy any day.
too bad theres NONE in walnut :/ gahhh
hmm maybe in college...




anyways...
today as i was driving home from receiving that "first class education" at that typical social hell they call high school... my windows were down and my music was loud playing some depressing yet "make you feel alive" song by brand new... and then a leaf fell off a tree and glided into my car and landed on the floor of the passenger side. reminding me that its fall, the season i love the most. oh how i cant wait to wear coats and scarfs, drink coffee or green tea, read books and walk down the street and hear leafs crunching beneath my feet. hmm the season i love the most.

disco

thats right

straight up disco status.

blue lightning bolt

i want one every day

hahaha

i miss

my freidns that dont go to my school...
like lexi and annuh and taylor.
im so super excited cuz annuh is gonna mail me stuff :D
i LOVEEEE getting things in the mail.

hmm so i was a little surprised to hear that erica is talking to chris pupo.......
.......
thats all i have to say about that one.

anywhooo....
im learning alot about myself and my friends and everything
and its all because im grounded and have therapy and stuff.
im actually kinda glad. everything happens for a reason.

hmm soo its starting to be winter soon...
and i want a boy.
haha

im ready to go winter shopping!!!

invisible

sometimes i feel like i am.
like i just sit and watch and it doesnt matter that im there. in fact its kind of like im not there. its interesting, i dont actually hate it because i like to observe people. it gives me time to think about things. it feels like i can freeze time for myself while it just keeps going for other people.

i cant wait to go to college and meet new people...maybe there ill be visible.
hah i feel like that true life crap " you think you know..but you have no idea".

anyways...today was fun a ton of fun for the most part.
the bands were pretty good..people showed up.. we raised money.
yay!!!
and i had fun with the people i was with.... it was nice.
dancing at the end was the best :D haha




hmm man o man im going to have a lot to tell my therapist.
if you only knew.

create a voice

make a difference.


TODAY IS THE SAVE DARFUR BENEFIT CONCERT!!!!


im pretty excited.
it actually happened!!!





i hope it goes well.
<3

idol

kk so im obsessed with this model/dj Leigh Lezark

i kinda wanna do my hair all black like hers...gahhh shes so beautiful.
hmm oh im gonna save my next 2 paychecks so in a month i can go shopping for new clothes
because i need a ton of new clothes.
i hate this..i buy things and im happy with them for about a month then i feel like i dont like anything i own. jfklasdjalfjas :/ i wish i had enough money to buy way nice things and be super stylish.
anywho some things i want to buy :
black coat
black boots
cute tights
a few skirts
new belts
nice sweaters
more leggings
black skinny jeans
more shirts.
yeeeeeeeep.

senior year so far

ok sooo...so much has happened in the past few weeks so ill catch you up on it all
heres the short version:

i had a kickback and got super drunk and had a ton of fun...
well the week that my parents came back home they found out and then my mom told my dad to go through my room and he found weed... so i got sick yelled at and grounded for life.
my parents made me get a therapist because im a "rebelling" teen. OH GEEZ.
so i cant go out anywhere and i cant have friends over and they made me delete my myspace. so no life for me.
so thats that...
anyways i have a new crush on this guy thomas thats at my work...but he has a girlfriend.
sad times...
oh and now its time to start thinking about college and im SO not ready... my parents will only pay if i go to Cal state fullerton, cal polly, mt.sac, or fullerton jc. which SUCKS. can you say manipulation?! geez.
but i set up an interview with fidm anyways :D haha
and im gonna go visit cal state long beach...id really like to go there :]
im going to get my way with this. im determined to.

anyways thats my first post.
the end.