vent

so i cant say I'm mad about being grounded. through this i have learned so much. you really have no idea. Ive cried so hard during this past month. i cried because there has been a shift in so many of my friendships and my relationship with my parents. I'm not as close with people i used to be, but the bond grew between me and some others. i just don't understand how friendships can change just because i cant go out...friendships that have lasted 6 years and some that have lasted less. a friend is a friend, the meaning and depth of it shouldn't be affected by one being grounded. and this is why i cried. but I'm growing and learning. its a sad thing to realize and see how deep you thought your friendships went and how deep they really were. but now i know who to invest my time in and who to truly value. so its a sad but good thing. "we accept the love we think we deserve" and I'm done accepting less than i deserve. i wont cry anymore about it ill be happy that i am growing and learning.

lolz

girl-"so me and some friends are gonna drop acid in a few weeks..."
me-"yea so?"
girl-"well.....youre welcome to join...if you want"
hahhahaha
that conversation felt like it was supposed to happen in a dark ally somewhere...not class.

ryan- "some black girl stole my fruit roll up"
hhahahah

people say the funniest things.
i love it.


work tonight.
i loooove makin my money :]
people really should come visit me at work.
tillys in brea.
ill love you forever if you do :D

my mind

i need to study more.
i slack off when something is easy...which i shouldnt... i should do it because its easy.
but nooo... im miss i need a challenge.
hence the only class i actually care about is my english ap class.

but starting today i will care about my other classes.
i simply must if i want to do well.

oh and i have a myspace again
:]

the future ahhh

jfklajfdl today i fucked up my phone... my stupid Arizona green tea spilled all in my backpack and killed my phone :[
sad times.

tomorrow will be eventfullllll
school..get out early...go to fidm...go to grad fair back at walnut.
im gonna be TIIIIIRED.

im having mixed reactions from people about fidm..some are really excited for some reason..then others just laugh at me. whatever its my life and ill go to school wherever i feel like ill enjoy it the most.

im applying to cal state Fullerton. cal state long beach. cal state la. &fidm.

if i go to any of the last three...i have to pay for it myself...probably move out...and pay for that too.. :/ i better start saving my paychecks. man student loans are going to be a bitch.

i think its funny how the schools i want to go to are the ones my parents don't want me to go to..i just naturally rebel. i cant help it.

the heart beats in its cage

I don't want what you want.
I don't feel what you feel
See, I'm stuck in a city
When I belong in a field
Yeah we got left, left, left, left, left, left, left
Now its three in the morning and your eating alone

Oh the heart beats in its cage




"i know why the caged bird sings."
mmmhm.

i want a cigarette.

<3

Thats probably one of my favorite scenes in any movie. its amazing.

anyways... i did my winter shopping.. got a black coat, tights, shoes, scarfs, three tops, and a wallet. im pretty happy with my purchases. im ready for winter.

life ambition:travel to England.

woadreambig

i want a boy like jesse lacey
THAT would be a dream come true.
i mean i like the disco scene and everything...
but id choose an indie boy over a disco/electro boy any day.
too bad theres NONE in walnut :/ gahhh
hmm maybe in college...




anyways...
today as i was driving home from receiving that "first class education" at that typical social hell they call high school... my windows were down and my music was loud playing some depressing yet "make you feel alive" song by brand new... and then a leaf fell off a tree and glided into my car and landed on the floor of the passenger side. reminding me that its fall, the season i love the most. oh how i cant wait to wear coats and scarfs, drink coffee or green tea, read books and walk down the street and hear leafs crunching beneath my feet. hmm the season i love the most.